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Joke of the Day

"So I was reading about the Lucy fossil in National Geographic the other day and I have to admit, she looks kinda sexy... No homo tho."

"I bought my friend an elephant for his living room. Friend: thank you. Me: Don't mention it. *Edit: formatting.*"

"Keep your friends close & your enemies, in your trunk. Unless you're crossing a border. Then don't do that."

"Q: What's musical and handy in a supermarket? A: A Chopin Liszt."

"How's anal like your first car? (x-post from r/funny) You don't really want it, but your dad gives it to you anyways. (From Dark Humor on FB)"

"Karma points do not reflect your self worth Now gimme my karma points!"

"Hate it when a banana has bruises on it but the banana says it fell down the stairs & you just know it's lyin' to protect an asshole banana"

"My sex life is like a Ferrari I don't have one :("

"What do you get if you cross a telephone with a hunting dog? A golden receiver!"

"WIFE: This is dumb. DAUGHTER: This is so stupid. ME: This is getting out of hand! THIS: [leaping out of my palm] I HATE YOU GUYS I'M LEAVING"