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Joke of the Day

"Hate it when a banana has bruises on it but the banana says it fell down the stairs & you just know it's lyin' to protect an asshole banana"

"What is a mathematician's favorite food? A slice of Pi."

"I am going to tell my friends... That I will show up to their holloween party as Amelia Earhart...then not show up."

"What do you call it when a pickle masturbates? Gherkin off"

"Hit a squirrel with my car on the way home from the grocery store. If I knew that was going to happen, I wouldn't have bought all this meat."

"Why did the BDSM store get behind on its shipments? Bbecause they were all tied up..."

"A bear walks into a bar the bartender said ""What would you like?"" and the bear said ""I want... a beer please"" then the bartender said ""Why the big paws??"""

"if i opened my Gryffindor Would you Slytherin?"

"What do you call a Scottish man with no arms and no legs? a bell."

"Life is like a box of chocolates, The good ones are always gone before I get there!"