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Joke of the Day

"How's anal like your first car? (x-post from r/funny) You don't really want it, but your dad gives it to you anyways. (From Dark Humor on FB)"

"It's just a flesh wound... *looks down at hibachi knives I just pretended I was Master Chef with* *looks at bystander I just chop chopped*"

"Today the world has lost a great leader who ruled with an iron fist. Mrs.Brady you will be missed... (some guy named Fidel Castro died too)"

"Why don't ducks become doctors? They are afraid of accusations of quackery"

"Before we hang out, please be advised I will be spending the rest of the summer talking like Bane."

"What's the difference between a truck load of babies and a truck load of bowling balls? There's only one you can unload with a pitchfork. Edit: Who said something about dead babies?"

"Every fifteen minutes, a teenager crashes his car due to texting and driving. I hope he gives up, because he's obviously not good at it."

"I CAN'T STAND BLACK GIRLS WITH BLONDE HAIR . LOOKING LIKE A DAMN DURACELL BATTERY"

"I have a decaffeinated coffee table Looking at it, you wouldn't know it"

"What do you call part of a poem written by a Seinfeld character? A George Costanza."