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Joke of the Day

"I'm not sure if my foots been asleep for the last 3 days or if I have diabetes."

"Is Google male or female? Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion."

"My friend told me I didn't understand irony Which was ironic considering we were stood at a bus stop at the time."

"""The club can't even handle me right now."" What, like structurally? Should we call an engineer? Evacuate? Please advise."

"If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnaping?"

"Why do scuba divers always jump backwards off the boat? If they jumped forwards, they would still be on the boat! Sorry."

"I was confused the other day when someone told me I can make ice cubes with left over wine. What the fuck is ""left over wine""?"

"Tell me what just happened in France! ...Oh, Nice!"

"If a Facebook video says ""you won't believe what happens next"" then I replace ""believe"" with ""care"""

"Why did the skeleton burp in the church ? He didn't have the guts to fart"