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Joke of the Day

"Mob Boss: I need you to smoke this guy. Me: Ok, that takes 8-12 hours for a turkey though. Mb: I don't care just get it done."

"What does a colour's laugh sound like? Hue hue hue"

"Maybe I should get married. Its not like I have sex anyway."

"Don't worry guys, my wife just turned the car radio down so we shouldn't be lost much longer."

"Have you met my vegetarian girlfriend? Nah, I've never met herbivore."

"Why does it see like fur is more hated than leather? Its easy to harass a 90lb aneroxic and walk away. It's a lot harder to do the same to the 250lb tattooed, long haired, biker."

"On April 16, 2017, a small French city will detach from the surface of the Earth and fly into space, killing everyone. It's just Toulouse."

"There was a bad accident involving a funeral procession the other day. It was terrible! The toll was four injured, one dead."

"A pirate walks into a bar... The bartender looks up and says ""Do you know you have a steering wheel sticking out of your butt?"" The pirate responds, ""Yarrr, its driving me nuts."""

"I fell asleep in the shower last night I guess you could say I had a few wet dreams"