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Joke of the Day

"On April 16, 2017, a small French city will detach from the surface of the Earth and fly into space, killing everyone. It's just Toulouse."

"Fact: If you ever blow me a kiss, I'm catching it and sticking it down my pants."

"""Haha you flinched"" ""No crap, you almost hit me in the face!"""

"I sell balloons for 10p each or if you want them blown up it's 15p. I've adjusted the price to allow for inflation."

"Turns out an At Home DNA test is not a good baby shower gift"

"You know what they say about assumptions, right? They say that they are generally wrong."

"STOP HITTING ON MY TWITTER CRUSH YOU... YOU... EQUALLY UNKNOWN INTERNET DUDE!"

"A seal walks into a club.... That's the story and we're sticking to it."

"Billy: Hi! What's your name? Johnny: Johnny. B: Hey, what's THAT? J: An iPhone 4. Mom: Who's your new friend, Billy? B: Johnny. He's poor."

"Trail mix? You mean M&M's with obstacles."