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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a group of alcoholics with the same name? Alcoholics synonymous."

"Facebook: My little man is the best thing that's ever happened to me! Twitter: Free baby. DM for details."

"I rented some heavy lifting equipment in Kiev from a company called You Crane."

"The Russians official stance on the downed MH17 flight: Donetsk, don't tell."

"The best way to avoid awkward moments with homeless people is to ask them for money before they ask you."

"I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up."

"What's the difference between a baby and baby Alien? One bursts into tears. The other bursts out of tears"

"Mark Wahlberg's mom: Marky Mark! It's time for a snacky snacky before you take a nappy nap. Mark Wahlberg: Jesus, mom. I'm 44. What snack?"

"Me: Hi. Can I help you? Him: I'm here about the wanted ad for the one night stand Me: Great. Where is it? Him: What? Me: The nightstand."

"The Minnesota Twins have just signed Adrian Peterson to a 3 year deal. More details to come. All we know is Adrian will be a switch hitter."