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Joke of the Day

"Facebook: My little man is the best thing that's ever happened to me! Twitter: Free baby. DM for details."

"Wife just said ""burgs"" instead of ""burgers"" and now I'm a little scared to think of what she's going to do with all the time she saved."

"Hey baby, there's an OverflowException in my pants, care to handle it for me?"

"In Canada alcoholics go to EhEh meetings."

"Most of my parenting skills come from watching Animal Planet."

"Did you hear about the guy who liked to stab himself in the eye? After a while, he stopped seeing the point."

"Interviewer: Can we call your former employer for a reference? Me: Not if you're considering me for the job."

"To people calling themselves ""Grammar Nazis"": you're not correcting grammar so much as punctuation or spelling. Hi, I'm a Nomenclature Nazi."

"I could argue that someone passing out in the punchline enhances the joke, but that would be faint praise indeed."

"""Why does stuff like this always happen to me?"" - gay passenger on Titanic"