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Joke of the Day

"Father: *places hand on shoulder* My son..... *Son: Yes father? *Father: Check out this cool severed hand I just found! editted for format, which I suck at apparently"

"Putin at the airport Vladimir Putin arrives at an airport, gets in line at customs desk. Customs officer: Occupation? Putin: No, just visiting."

"Necessity is the mother of invention, and the wife of bill. Bill is the only one in the family with a normal name."

"There are three kinds of people on this earth. Those who can count ... And those who can't."

"((Sigh)) I would love to get a new BMW i8 It definitely will get the most gals per mile in city driving."

"What would be the American version of ""Duck Quacks Don't Echo""? ""Jet Fuel Don't Melt Steel Beams""."

"Why can't dwarfs sing? Because they can't reach the high notes. Bonus: how does dwarves communicate? Smalltalk."

"My friends think im a magician when I make chocolate disappear... But little do they know, i'v got a few Twix up my sleeve..."

"There are two types of people in this world: Those that CAN gather information from incomplete data"

"Did you hear about the romantic comedy that has a cast consisting only of Vine stars? They've already announced the title: ""P.S. I Got 'Eem""."