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Joke of the Day

"((Sigh)) I would love to get a new BMW i8 It definitely will get the most gals per mile in city driving."

"Why was the landlord seeing a psychiatrist? He had an apartment complex."

"I love looking at oranges, they are just so appealing"

"""My only 2 hobbies are waving and telling you my age, unsolicited of course."" - Every two year old ever"

"What's the difference between a muddy bicycle and a ditzy lesbian? One is a dirty bike and the other is a derpy dyke."

"People I live with are hiding my shit. The two most effective hiding places to date: 1) out in the open 2) where I last left it"

"Remember when you were young and everything was new and you were filled with optimism and hope? Anyway here's a new thing to buy from Apple."

"Why did the redneck drive his pickup truck over the edge of a cliff? -- He wanted to test out his new air brakes."

"Why wasn't the patient concerned when she was told she had a brain tumor? The doctor said it was all in her head"

"Muslims don't blow themselves up for virgins They're going to hell, where the women know what they're doing"