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Joke of the Day

"[at dentist] so your X-rays look grea- *phone rings* hold on *on phone* a new engine? jesus, ok so as I was saying you have several cavities"

"A man has been shot with a starting pistol... The police are pretty sure it's race related."

"Why do women have orgasms? Because it's just another chance for them to moan."

"Why didn't the man go to dat place? Cuz dis-place-ment a lot to him."

"WIFE: Every time I get close, I get hurt. THERAPIST: Is this true? PORCUPINE HUSBAND: *bristles* OF COURSE IT'S TRUE I'M A BALL OF NEEDLES"

"A toothless budgie will always achieve his goals Because they always succeed"

"Any day now Trump and Pence are going to pull off their masks and reveal that they're Kang and Kodos from The Simpsons"

"As a girl: Tinder is like a refrigerator full of food but with nothing I want to eat."

"I was going to make an anal joke here.... ...butt fuck it."

"Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four they'd be called chicken sedans!"