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Joke of the Day

"Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she wont pay attention but call her fat once and she will never forget. Thats because elephants never forget."

"How to win the war on drugs... .1) Legalize all drugs. .2) Require that all drugs must be purchased through Comcast customer service."

"Hey people with one syllable names...... Good job ruining the Happy Birthday song. Jerks"

"What do you call someone that will only have sex with homeless people? A hobosexual"

"What is a cowboy's favorite salad dressing? If you answered ""Ranch"", you are mistaken...it was a trick question. Cowboys don't eat salad."

"Why don't elephants like penguins? Because they can't get the wrapper off."

"I saw a zombie wearing Crocs on The Walking Dead and thought to myself ""she totally deserved to die""."

"""Then it's agreed. We'll meet back in this same place in 10 years."" -Me to some dishes in my sink"

"Just banged my toe on a table & kept moaning in pain so much that I made a new Coldplay song."

"A couple of Irishmen are walking down a dirt road . . . The come across a sign that says ""Tree Fellers Wanted"". One of them says to the other, ""To bad there's only two of us."""