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Joke of the Day

"Why was the lobster arrested? Because he was always pinching things."

"Kim Jong-un read War and Peace in a day. At least I think that's why they call him Supreme Reader."

"What I want In A Man (NSFW)"

"Great Scot, Marty! You know what you'd get if I locked myself in a room with the old-me from 1955 and convinced my other self never to build a time machine? A paradox, Marty!"

"Just bought a set of alphabet magnets for my fridge, so this may very well be my last tweet."

"A woman was masturbating furiously on the subway The police were going to arrest her, but she got off."

"Hey guy that puts the stickers on tomatoes, nobody likes you."

"Got a lifetime ban from Best Buy today... Apparently we have very different definitions of 1080 pee."

"Why did the janitor file for a divorce? He found his wife sweeping with someone else."

"Yesterday 8 mosquitoes bit me! I guess I now have a mosquito bite"