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Joke of the Day

"""You're in no position to be making demands."" [does a handstand] ""Company helicopter & 2 months extra vacation."" ""Fair enough."

"Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. The rooster did."

"Where does Walmart keep the Terminator toys? Aisle B, back."

"What did the umpire say when Randy Johnson hit a bird with his pitch? Fowl ball."

"I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone."

"My doctor sang this to me at my birthday ""Happy birthday to you. You live in a zoo. You have terminal cancer. Your family'll miss you"""

"The person with duct tape holding most of their car together always has the right-of-way."

"""It's 5 o'clock somewhere."" - a shitty watch."

"A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number."

"What do ants drink? Tea. It's an ant tea joke."