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Joke of the Day

"I said to this bloke,""I'm going to be performing in the play *Hamlet* at a local theatre."" He said,""Are you being facetious?"" I said,""No- Polonius."""

"What Mrs. Dumpty gave Humpty?"

"My family made a pact that I'm the first to be sacrificed in a zombie apocalypse because I'll slow them down. That's my workout motivation."

"If life give you melons... ... you might be dyslexic."

"A cheetah stalking its prey would envy the velocity at which I click the skip button when Apple Music plays a Nickelback track"

"Me: your shoes are on the wrong feet 4yo: Me: ....... 4yo:......... Me : 4yo : but I don't have any other feet Me : fair enough --__--"

"What if we've got it backwards? Maybe mustaches have a thing for pedophiles."

"Are you waiting for my comeback? You can scrape it off your mom's teeth"

"What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants, and a dirty bus stop? One's a crusty bus station, and the other's a busty crustacean!"

"Old school chicken joke Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud, and crossed the road again? Because he was a dirty double-crosser!"