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Joke of the Day

"Are you waiting for my comeback? You can scrape it off your mom's teeth"

"Can you guess how many turkeys we're gonna serve tomorrow? Turkey-two j.k. we don't celebrate thanksgiving here lol happy normal day to us"

"My girlfriend said we can have sex on days that start wit ""T""... ...Tomorrow."

"My wife left me because she said I made a meal out of everything. I intend to make her eat those words."

"Dear teenagers always complaining about life.. You've only felt the tip of that dick."

"I knew that wouldn't flush when I ate it."

"What does an amoeba call its friend? Cell mate."

"Carl: Everybody was Kung fu fighting! Doug: um, I don't know Kung f-- Carl: except for Doug from accounting"

"My all-time favorite one liner NSFW Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives? Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush."

"bank robber: EVERYONE FREEZE! [everyone freezes] bank robber: [recording everyone] nice! this'll be the best mannequin challenge yet"