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Joke of the Day
"Are you waiting for my comeback? You can scrape it off your mom's teeth"
Next Joke
"1) See laptop on empty table in crowded coffee shop. 2) Ask someone to watch it for you. 3) Leave before the owner returns."
"Why did the anorexic cow take great offense when the farmer wished him Merry Christmas? ...because he was a moo-slim."
"Donald Trump's Best Friend Donald Trump was talking about his best friend, ""Eugene Wall."" He said that he liked to call him ""Euge"" for short."
"[ad for umbrellas] [cut to me trying to swat away raindrops, just getting totally wet] ""There must be a better way!"" Voiceover: UMBRELLAS"
"What kind of zoo has no animals except for a small, yappy dog? A shih tzu"
"Wow I never thought you'd agree to go out with me *starts car, Whitesnake is playing at full volume*"
"""KIDS, GET YOUR SHOES ON WE'RE LEAVING FOR SCHOOL IN SIX HOURS!!!"" -- Centipede parents"
"Either Narnia has really gone downhill or I'm just sitting in some guy's closet."
"Two things I learned from online dating geography and disappointment"