36632

Joke of the Day

"My friend asked if I would stop singing Maroon 5 songs. I said: ""I don't think so."""

"I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. And then it dawned on me."

"What did you get for your birthday? Another year!"

"Why do gay guys dress so well? They spent a lot of time in the closet."

"Why is your shit tapered? So your asshole don't slam shut."

"I'd love a video montage of every single time I've walked into a room and forgotten why I'm in there."

"My birthday is coming up, wife agreed to bday sex. Thankfully she'll be out of town on a business trip so I'll have the house all to myself."

"I never feel guilty about eating baby carrots because it's not like adult carrots are doing anything great with their lives."

"Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It's like having a remote to open the fridge."

"The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What's your point?"