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Joke of the Day

"I never feel guilty about eating baby carrots because it's not like adult carrots are doing anything great with their lives."

"I have a joke about Ebola You probably won't get it"

"What does a pirate take for his allergies? Aye-drops"

"[with my pet bird at the park] Hot girl: omg ur duck is so cute Me: *covering mr quackers ears* he's a mallard u idiot get away from me"

"Another normal evening Cook food - 30 minutes Eat it - 5 minutes Check Facebook - 1 minute Check Twitter - 8 hours"

"I just call everyone viewers...... so I won't mistake their gender."

"Just saw myself naked in a full length mirror, and I had an epiphany. Either someone in my family tree had sex with the baboon or pissed off a gypsy."

"An old drunk stumbles into a confessional. After not hearing anything for a while the Priest knocked on the wall. The drunk said forget it buddy there's no paper in here either."

"I'm not racist. I just have a problem with people's tone."

"How would America win gold medals in shooting for the Olympics? They take their prison population and school population to Rio."