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Joke of the Day

"I'd love a video montage of every single time I've walked into a room and forgotten why I'm in there."

"Original & Classic Winston Churchill (not my retort) Lady Astor said to Churchill, ""If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea,"" to which he responded, ""Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it!"""

"I appreciate and am so thankful for all law enforcement officers ...until I'm driving."

"How in the hell do Chinese people see when they're high?"

"Why does 0=1 COS(0)=1"

"Don't you hate it when your girlfriend yells out a different name during sex Like bitch, my name isn't ""someone help"""

"My neighborhood is so politically correct... ...they consider it a hate crime to misspell vinegar."

"My eyes are brown with tiny flecks of narcissism."

"I rang up British Telecom, I said, ""I want to report a nuisance caller"", he said ""Not you again"". "

"I'm currently stuck behind traffic lights. Fuck you Roxanne."