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Joke of the Day

"What do lawyers and sperm have in common? Both have a 1 in 2 millon chance of being a person someday."

"Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for ""hardcore poem""?"

"officer, buying weed from a guy who sells on the side is basically shopping local. you should be THANKING me for supporting our community."

"While in prison, I asked the Calvinist, ""Why did you kill your family?"" He answered, ""I had to know."""

"What's worse then ants in your pants? Uncles."

"I saw a sign on the highway that read ""End Road Construction."" And I was like, shit, the anti-road construction people are getting vocal."

"I have no problem with Capital Punishment in theory.... I just have problems with its execution."

"""Welcome to lazy club. My name i-*doors get kicked in* ""THIS IS A ROBBERY! NOBODY MOVE!"" [voice from the back] ""Nobody was going to."""

"What do you call a vagina with Parkinson's? [oc] Michael J. Box"

"The shortest joke about Islamic State ""Made in ISIS"""