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Joke of the Day

"I explained how Pac-Man works to my kids, and apparently 4 ghosts constantly chasing someone is a terrifying story to 4yos."

"Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer? Fixed* [deleted]"

"Q: What did Snow White say when she dropped off her film? A: ""Some day my prints will come."""

"""A car I've never seen before just parked outside. We're gonna die CAN YOU HEAR ME Jesus Christ you're not listening to me I said..."" - Dogs"

"I showed up at Disney headquarters uninvited I said I was there for a Rogue One cameo That's how I learned the security guards have Tasers"

"Why shouldn't you take the Fourier transform of a square pulse while on a boat? Because you don't wanna sinc!"

"It's International Holocaust Remembrance Day And Fugghedaboutit Day in Germany."

"All toilet seats can be heated toilet seats if you push people off them and sit real fast."

"I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. He hypnotised 8 fellas but dropped his microphone on his foot.......and shouted ""Fuck me!"" What happened next will haunt me for life!!"

"I try to work the song Uptown Funk into every conversation. Don't believe me? Just watch!"