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Joke of the Day

"Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer? Fixed* [deleted]"

"What do you call a policeman with a thing for MLP? A clop cop."

"My face is permanently frozen into this scowl. You were right, Grandma."

"Isn't it weird how when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected."

"DR: Are you sexually active? ME: Very DR: Eating donuts alone in your car doesn't count ME: Still yes DR: Neither do croissants ME: Then no"

"Why does the house only have one window? Cheeseburger (joke from my 3 year old neice this evening)"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it."

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, lying in a ditch? Phil"

"Bruce Jenner jokes Let's get these rolling!!"

"Ted Nugent predicted Ted Nugent would be dead or in jail by now... which is just one more thing Ted Nugent is wrong about. (Jokes for the week of 4/13-4/19 @fridayupdate on twitter.)"