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Joke of the Day

"I'm not the man you'd hoped for or even the man you wanted me to be. Perhaps you should have just once seen in me, the man I am."

"Filed a restraining order against Starbucks. Creepy. Every time I turn around, there they are."

"Why couldn't the bicycle stand up on it's own? Because it was two tired."

"If a bear confronts you in the woods, make it go away by handing it a flyer for your boyfriend's band's show."

"Why is it called the 18th hole and not the final fore"

"My friend, Manuel, is a magician... His favorite trick is to announce ""I'm going to disappear on the count of three."" He then counts ""Uno, dos..."" then vanishes without a tres."

"So when a cat pounces on a stranger's lap and demands tickles it's ""cute"" but when I do it I'm ""causing trouble in Starbucks"" again. Jeez!"

"I take issue with people stealing magazines."

"Need some adultish-humor. I have a girl I like, and I want to make her laugh. What are the best jokes you guys can think of to make a dirty-minded teenage girl laugh?"