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Joke of the Day

"Growing up, I always wanted to be someone. Now that I'm old, I've realised I should have been more specific."

"I farted today on the bus... I farted today on the bus and 4 people turned around. Felt like I was on The Voice."

"I love conversations about palindromes You can always have a good back and forth."

"What do you call an ESA engineer serving the comet lander? Philae Minion"

"I like my women like I like my tea... ...white, weak and you can't tell if what you're drinking is piss or not."

"Two old ladies sitting in a doctor's office in Florida... The one says to the other, ""I can't see, I can't hear anything and I can barely walk. Thank God I can still drive."""

"(Quick one-liner joke:) Why are pretty women like pianos? Because when they're not upright, they're grand!"

"After years of marriage & kids I have no idea how I'd handle a 1st date. Just give him a juice box, crackers & an iPad? Do I bring coupons?"

"How do you help a lemon? Lemon-aid."

"What kind of car does depressed Daniel drive? Sad Dan"