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Joke of the Day

"I farted today on the bus... I farted today on the bus and 4 people turned around. Felt like I was on The Voice."

"I asked my mother if I could have some cloth to give to the nuns. She said, ""Fine, just don't let it become a habit"""

"I sent the guy on the couch to the store for bread. I'll get 6 texts and a phone call and he'll come back with peaches."

"Txt my wife to ask if the gardener came & how 5yo's 1st day of school was. She txt back ""He's naked on the couch"". I'm afraid to ask who.."

"Did you hear about the Darth Vader rape allegations? After they said no, he used the Force."

"My father put a lot of pressure on me as a child. He used to say stuff like ""You're five years old? When I was your age I was six!"""

"Did you know that if you pull the pin off of grenade and hold it up to your ear You can actually hear the world getting smarter."

"What is the only law that Hillary obeys? The law of gravity"

"What did our parents do to kill time before the internet? I asked my 21 brothers and sisters and they had no clue either."

"Pornhub has banned submissions of the Germany-Brazil game. They don't allow rape videos."