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Joke of the Day

"If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, and love is a rhythm, then you are on LSD."

"You know why cops aren't on the streets of NYC right now? Because when it's white, they leave it the fuck alone"

"alcoholic alzheimer's anonymous. No one knows who they are, or what they're drinking."

"Anteater Kid: What's for dinner? Anteater Mom: Don't be a smart ass, Brandon."

"I bet it turns out 100% of serial killers wore jeans to the gym."

"Why should you send your sweetie a valentine? Because you always heart the one you love."

"Cocky joke: You know, I've recently decided I just don't like my penis. It's such a huge dick."

"How strange... Last night my flatmate only popped out for milk wearing no make up and instead came back with 4 packets of Haribo, 4 fun size Snickers and a 'Best Costume' trophy."

"Missed Connections: hey, are you that woman I saw? Any of them? Call me."

"smokers have a greater risk of heart disease, stroke and hard-to-hear outdoor phone conversations."