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Joke of the Day

"ME: all the King's horses and men couldn't put u back together HUMPTY DUMPTY: what now M: [opening package of bacon] I'll think of something"

"Turning vegan is a big missed steak."

"[street fight] Come at me bro!! *guy rips off his shirt revealing bulging muscles *I rip off my shirt revealing another shirt & run away"

"To get a job in the Army you need good peoples kills."

"Someone calls 911... Man : Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Man : Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Man : The ugly one is winning."

"Have you seen The Dark Knight Rises yet? I hear it's killer."

"How do you combat espionage? Umbreonage"

"What does Hillary Clinton say when she's unhappy at a restaurant? Can I have a different server?"

"What do you call a hacker who stays home when it snows outside? Edward Snowed-in!"

"Kim Kardashian's starts a new political party, and names it Popular Back"