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Joke of the Day

"A Priest, an alcoholic and a Paedophile, walk in to a bar. He buys a drink."

"""He sure seems like a nice young man"" is Grandma-speak for ""I'd totally hit that."""

"My idea of Hell would be Ben Affleck reading me a sushi menu in his ""Boston guy"" voice."

"My dad works on Nukes and told me this today What dessert was served during the Manhattan Project? Yellow Cake"

"I cherish a gift a dying friend gave me, strange as it is. With his last breath of life, he gave me his EpiPen. It seemed very important that I have it."

"I didn't have a condom last night, so I used a sock... She wouldn't stop complaining about cotton mouth."

"If you were stressed out yesterday Does that make you past tense?"

"Being nice is exhausting, which is why evil people have so much energy."

"Turkey shoots down Russian jet it's too soon to tell, but insiders report his actions were in hopes of receiving a presidential pardon before thanksgiving hits."

"What is the longest sentence in the English language? ""I do."""