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Joke of the Day

"If you were stressed out yesterday Does that make you past tense?"

"Did you hear about the man who invented the knock knock joke? He won the Nobel prize. (Sorry if this has been posted before, I heard it today for the first time and it made my day)"

"I like my women like just like my cars 12 years old and made in Japan Edit: Made in the 90's and topless in the summer?"

"Hear about the paranoid guy who stopped using twitter? He said everyone was following him."

"Die Hard VIII: Die Even More Harder: Mostest Harderest."

"I didn't like my haircut at first, but it grew on me."

"Me at a wine tasting: *swirls glass* *sniffs* *sips slowly* *stares off into the distance* ...Ah, yes. This is in fact wine."

"Wake Up People! Ottoman cannons can't melt Byzantine walls! The Fall of Constantinople was an inside job!"

"Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand? She moans with the other."

"What do you call a pigeon with 4 feet? A STOOL Pigeon"