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Joke of the Day

"It must have been very risky for pirates to slightly burn all the edges of their treasure maps and then dip them in tea."

"They're giving Caitlyn Jenner ANOTHER TV show Apparently, they have her competing in the Olympics again. It's going to be called ""Drag Races""."

"We should replace Punxsutawney Phil with Ben Bernanke... that motherfucker also never gets it right."

"Honey, I'm afraid we can't get married anymore. weed_hitler69 just told me I was gay. *looks at Xbox* Thank you sir. You've changed my life."

"Reddit's front page has more intellectual news stories than my local TV stations I don't understand it because I'm only 3 years old."

"If you are thinking of having an affair, just remember the head of the CIA couldn't even get away"

"Why do moths fly with their legs spread? Have you ever seen the size of mothballs?"

"What do you call a 16th-century seer who drinks straight out of the can? No-straw-damus! (please be gentle on me as you berate me.)"

"What do you call when a blonde dyes her hair brown? Artificial Intelligence"

"Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player Fan: Why's that? Manager: Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him!"