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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a 16th-century seer who drinks straight out of the can? No-straw-damus! (please be gentle on me as you berate me.)"

"German vegetarians are real pessimists. They fear nothing but the wurst!"

"Why does the bad guy always have to know some form of martial art? Why cant they just throw stuff while screaming ""stay away from me!"""

"Feline-loving fashionista's favorite music? Techno. *boots-n-cats-n-boots-n-cats-n-boots-n-cats*"

"Who was the most famous pirate octopus? Captain Squid!"

"What kind of joke did the forgetful Redditor make?"

"Jenner is a hero, and quite frankly saved some lives Had I not replaced the Jenner in my truck last week I wouldnt have been able to shift into neutral when my accelerator stuck today."

"Be on the lookout for a armed psychic midget who just robbed a bank and got away....the police now have a SMALL MEDIUM at LARGE!! ba dum dum"

"My parents caught me masturbating. I wasn't ashamed, I was startled - I almost dropped their wedding picture."

"""Great, now we're looking at luggage. Not like we need more luggage."" Me, 11/25/2015"