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Joke of the Day

"They're giving Caitlyn Jenner ANOTHER TV show Apparently, they have her competing in the Olympics again. It's going to be called ""Drag Races""."

"What gets all sweaty as it rides on top of you? Your backpack."

"I tweet because it's fun and I like the validation, but also because one day it'll prove to a jury how crazy I am."

"Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push, into traffic."

"Did you hear about the NASCAR driver who went the wrong way around the track? It turned out to be all right."

"So...Donald Trump was on The View today. I kept rewinding it and watching it trying to spot Elizabeth Hasselbeck's boner."

"Surveys have shown that.. 6/7 dwarfs aren't Happy"

"I'm leaving for London tomorrow. It's going to be really weird Tweeting from the left hand side of the road."

"Man from Nantucket There once was a man from Nantucket, with a dick so long he could suck it. As he wiped off his chin he said with a grin, if my ear was a cunt I would fuck it."

"A random stranger laughed at how I was lactose intolerant How dairy"