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Joke of the Day

"We should replace Punxsutawney Phil with Ben Bernanke... that motherfucker also never gets it right."

"So there was a stork carrying an old man.. ..and the old man turns to it and says: ""Would you at last admit it that we are lost?"""

"Raheem is a Pakistani orphan boy who has to walk 5 miles to reach his school.. but with your help of a few pennies a month..we can buy a whip and make the lazy bastard run."

"What do lawyers use for birth control? Personality."

"What do you call a hacker who can see the future? A 4chan teller."

"""Jesus loves you."" A nice gesture in church. A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison."

"[NSFW] Yesterday I gave a surprise bukkake party to my roommate... ...everyone came. You should have seen her face."

"There's only one thing I hate more than outdated references and racism... ....The ""I have a Dream"" speech."

"Hey kids, for Halloween, let's go to a spooooky place full of scaaaary, oppressive people & a guy who riiiises from the dead! Kids: Church?"

"9% Smarter Why are men 9% smarter after sex? They were plugged into a Genius."