31985

Joke of the Day

"Shoe repair guy: so what happened? [cut to me trying to flush myself into the Ministry of Magic from my toilet] Me: I stepped in a..puddle"

"If a bro works out but doesn't see himself in a mirror, does the bro really work out?"

"What do you call someone who gets sexually excited by the American Standard Code for Information Interchange? An ASCIIphile."

"Getting colagen injections in my lips next week 'cause, you know, 'tis the season to be Jolie."

"How to lose an argument with a woman: 1) Argue."

"TIL I'm bad at posting at the right subreddit"

"What do you call a one legged woman? Eileen! What do you call a one legged Japanese woman. Irene! What do you call the Samoan lady who fell off the cliff? Eileen Tufa'a!"

"Stuart hall, Rolf harris and Max clifford walk into an Irish bar. Barman says not Yew Tree again"

"I hate people who think it's cool to take drugs ...like customs officers"

"I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me. She told me she was at the mall with her friend Carrie. Thing is, Carrie was sleeping right next to me!"