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Joke of the Day

"I got a call telling me my grandma only has a few hours left to live.... but I refuse to pay the ransom."

"People keep talking about the new Star Wars trailer. In my day, Star Wars had SPACESHIPS!"

"How to do you find Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints."

"A police man came up to me with a sniffer dog and said, ""This dog tells me you're on drugs."" ""I'm on drugs? You're the one talking to dogs"""

"As a father, I would refuse to give my daughter away at her wedding on the grounds that I would have to be there."

"How many goals did Germany score? A Brazillion."

"How can you tell if Trump is lying? His lips move. How can you tell if Clinton is lying? [deleted]"

"What does the Russian President enjoy having on his fries? Putine..."

"Maths and Girls are the most complicated things, but Maths at least has some logic."

"Several fonts walk into a bar. ""Get out of here!"" shouts the bartender. ""We don't serve your type here."""