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Joke of the Day

"As a father, I would refuse to give my daughter away at her wedding on the grounds that I would have to be there."

"Nothing is too good for my girlfriend on Valentines day... I tried to get her nothing, but she was too good for that."

"[Michael Bay directing] ""WE NEED A HOTTER CHICK"" Teacher: This is your son's 3rd grade play ""Oh right. I forgot. WE NEED BIGGER EXPLOSIONS"""

"I have often wanted to drown my sorrows. But, I can't get my wife to go swimming."

"Woke up so hungry I could eat my own cooking!"

"A slut is a woman who sleeps with everyone......."

"Priest: Marriage lasts until death. You're not married in heaven. Me: Why not? Wife: Then we'd be in hell."

"Why do zoos pay for simian liability insurance? To avoid monkey suits"

"My friend just got a pool table for Christmas so he gave me a call inviting me around for a pool tournament with the boys. I said thanks for the invite but I prefer to pool by myself."

"Peeing with a boner... It's hard."