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Joke of the Day

"Saw a couple wearing surgical masks in public and all I could think was ""what do they know that I don't?"""

"If you're trying to woo me without food... let me stop you right there."

"yo mama's teeth are so yellow that when she smiles traffic slows down."

"I'd like to tell you guys another dick joke but nah, it's too long"

"Microsoft tech support called me last night as a indian, I said ""Sorry your calling Indian Tech Support"""

"Why do people always ask me for directions? I have no clue where I am going. I am sure i have sent 100's of people into the ocean."

"How can you tell the clan of a Scotsman? Look under his kilt, if it's a quarter-pounder, he's a McDonald."

"A wife comes home and says, ""Pack your bags, honey, I just won the lottery!"" The guy says, ""Great darling. Should I pack for the ocean or the mountains?"" She says, ""I don't care, get out!"""

"Voldemort is like a teenage girl. He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy."

"2night's funniest bit: a fellow comic enters the room &, given a choice between talking w/ me & w/ a homeless man, chooses the homeless man."