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Joke of the Day

"2night's funniest bit: a fellow comic enters the room &, given a choice between talking w/ me & w/ a homeless man, chooses the homeless man."

"""Well guys, I gotta get going."" -Why? ""My wife hits me if I don't wash the dishes."" -And you *let* her hit you? ""OF COURSE NOT!!! I always wash them."""

"What's the difference between arguing with a girl and arguing with a knife? The knife has a point"

"I'd imagine homeless people aren't the biggest fans of little dogs wearing sweaters."

"If you told me 100% of serial killers were ""morning people"" I'd believe you."

"I get so excited when someone brings out the cake at a birthday party because that means I can leave soon."

"Why was Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven was a Registered Six Offender."

"There are three rings in marriage The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering."

"Why did the mushroom get invited to the party? Because he was a fungi"

"Interviewer: Can we call your former employer for a reference? Me: Not if you're considering me for the job."