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Joke of the Day

"Gluten-free, low salt, no sugar all-natural whole grain bread? The only thing ""natural"" about this product is the urge to get away from it."

"For a tiny person unable to wipe herself after she poops, my toddler has managed to hit me dead in the eyeball with 4 things today."

"I have a friend who is a Jehovah's Witness. He tried to tell me a knock knock joke and got all pissed off when I ignored him."

"How do you keep an erection? Don't fuck with it"

"""You remind me of this hooker i knew."" ""You knew a hooker?"" hey you don't call her that, she's your mother."

"Why'd the blonde snort a line of Splenda? She thought it was diet coke"

"My first time... My first time having sex and playing football were a lot alike... When it was all said and done I was exhausted bruised and bloody... But atleast my dad came..."

"Swimming Pool Joke Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water."

"If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you is all I need... Not all this, ""How the fuck did you get in my house?!"" nonsense."

"My girlfriend left a note on the fridge door... It said, ""this is not working. I'm going to my mothers."" I opened the door. The light came on. The beer was cold. Just what in the hell did she mean?"