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Joke of the Day

"For a tiny person unable to wipe herself after she poops, my toddler has managed to hit me dead in the eyeball with 4 things today."

"Do you know karate? Cause your body's kickin!"

"Kim Jong Un called me an asshole. I retorted back that he doesn't have an asshole, which is why he is so full of shit."

"What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke."

"EA Games and Ubisoft walk into a bar... Act now and for just $49.99 you too can experience the intensity and originality of this punchline!"

"Grandpa: What's the difference between a butt kisser and a brown-noser? Depth perception"

"What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? DAMN! My friend told me this the other day not sure where it came from but I laughed "

"You didn't comment on my selfie. WHO IS SHE"

"Babies who cry in a restaurant would rather be eating in a breastaurant."

"How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? Don't know. Its never been done before."