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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend left a note on the fridge door... It said, ""this is not working. I'm going to my mothers."" I opened the door. The light came on. The beer was cold. Just what in the hell did she mean?"

Next Joke
 
"My girlfriend called me a pedophile yesterday... ...so I said, ""That's a big word for a seven-year-old"""
"We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police."
"[working at Bed Bath & Beyond] ME: Hi there, may I help you? What are you looking for? CUSTOMER: Shower head. ME: Sir, please, we just met."
"Is William Shatner the past version of William Shitner?"
"Wanna know what makes me smile? Face muscles."
"I quit a job re-writing pre-classical Greek literature into braille. This was months ago. It feels like ancient history."
"Doctor: ""I need to draw some blood."" Me: ""Okay."" Doctor: ""Do you have a red crayon I could borrow?"""
"Q: How did a blind man get poke marks on his face? A: Learning to eat with a fork."
"What is a traveler's favorite font? Times New Roamin'!"