171994

Joke of the Day

"""You remind me of this hooker i knew."" ""You knew a hooker?"" hey you don't call her that, she's your mother."

"What does a Turkey eat when it's hungry? An Armenian!"

"What's the difference between a tea bag and England? A tea bag stays longer in a cup."

"How does Stephen Hawking commit suicide? Alt-F4"

"What's the difference between a woman and a toilet? The toilet doesn't insist on cuddling after you drop your load in it."

"Number one handheld A recent survey indicated that smartphone is the number 1 handheld device.. Penis has slipped to number 2.."

"[dinner w/friends] ""How long you two been married?"" It's been thirt- (wife shaking head) teenish twenty- (still shaking) for a long time."

"Mugger *shows knife* Crocodile Dundee ""No this is a knife"" *pulls out huge knife* Alanis Morrisette ""Hang on"" *sifts through 10,000 spoons*"

"Arnold Schwarzenegger glancing up excitedly and then looking away disappointedly multiple times while watching the intro to ""Hey Arnold"""

"My two best friends were born on 4/20... They have a joint birthday party"