28705

Joke of the Day

"Jazz is in my blood You could say I've got deep vein trombonses."

"When my girlfriend and I fight, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house. Just so I can say ""Oh yeah, you need me NOW, huh?"""

"I was watching a tv evangelist this morning and it made me realize how much I'm looking forward to the Rapture. Yeah, I can't wait until all these ""Christians"" are gone."

"*amasses epic army of stoners but we do nothing because epic army of stoners*"

"What did the kleptomaniacal compulsive liar say when his beekeeper friend asked him what he was running away with? ""None of your beeswax!"""

"Parenting: 1st kid: Document their every move 2nd kid: forget to pick them up 99% of the time"

"History of panties... 50 years ago you'd have to pull down her panties to see her ass. Today, you have to pull her ass apart, to see her panties."

"The doorbell rings... A man opens the door and there's his mother-in-law on the front step. She asks, ""Can I stay here for a few days?"" The man says, ""Sure you can."" And shuts the door."

"What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? Ab minor"

"Did you hear about the dyslexic marathoner who would only eat shellfish the night before races? He was crabo-loading."