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Joke of the Day

"*amasses epic army of stoners but we do nothing because epic army of stoners*"

"Rafael Nadal got done by an Australian teenager today at Wimbledon. Rolf Harris is having raging fits of jealousy."

"I have a concrete strip on my front lawn painted to look like a slip n slide and every summer 10 to 15 kids learn a valuable lesson on it."

"The package of this pie is labeled ""Apple,"" yet these are clearly cherries. I'm not sticking my dick in this."

"I don't understand why women programmers are mad when male programmers objectify their body.... After all, it is object oriented programming."

"Me: Shhh, your brother is still sleeping. 4yo: *runs upstairs CRASH JUMP ""Wake up!"" SLAM *runs back downstairs ""No, he's not."""

"Deep down... ...I knew scuba diving wasn't for me."

"What did one boat say to the other? Are you up for a little row-mance?"

"I feel for Hillary Clinton The FBI found a server in my basement too. She was from Hooters I think."

"Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken didn't exist."