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Joke of the Day

"When my girlfriend and I fight, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house. Just so I can say ""Oh yeah, you need me NOW, huh?"""

"When God closes a door, he opens a window. Our heating bill is outrageous & six raccoons got in last night. Please God, this has to stop."

"What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi"

"I'd hate to be stuck behind Satan in the post office... ...for the accursed one takes many forms."

"My calculator sucks It always gives me the wrong answer"

"How Does Snoop Dogg Do His Laundry? He uses a lot of BLEAYOTCH!"

"Last night I was with a girl... ...she told me she wanted me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt. So I fucked her 3 times and punched her in the jaw."

"Women- God's version of a Rubik's cube."

"Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? You would to if your name was auhmonahahha"

"Harry Potter wakes up in hospital. ""Welcome back. You've been in a coma for 8 years"" says the doctor. ""What happened?"" asked Harry ""You ran face first into a wall."""