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Joke of the Day
"I want ""Wake me if anything cool happens"" on my tombstone."
Next Joke
"Why did the dog's friends send her home from the bar when she started to act strange? They thought she might have been slipped a woofie."
"Unemployed goal day 37: slide across random car hoods action movie style. And then run like someone is chasing me."
"Why are so many Mathematicians vegetarians? Cos Lettuce"
"My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, ""Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"""
"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff [Ba dum tssshhh](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcYppAs6ZdI)"
"Stop it with the Apple Hate Jokes. You're making the doctors come back again."
"I'm eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it's six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I'm still better than you."
"My boss is basically Ursula from The Little Mermaid. Deceitful, selfish, conniving, wears too much make up, is an octopus."
"We're having a traditional Thanksgiving this year. We're going to invite the neighbors to dinner, murder them, and take their land."