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Joke of the Day

"My boss is basically Ursula from The Little Mermaid. Deceitful, selfish, conniving, wears too much make up, is an octopus."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Celeste ! Celeste who ? Celeste time I lend you money !"

"Why don't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny."

"INTERVIEWER: What do you see as your biggest weakness? ME: INTERVIEWER: ME: MY MOTHER: He's not good at speaking up for himself"

"Your honor this man killed my parents and deserves life but could you make sure he has internet access because he retweets me a lot."

"Management tip - only hire bald guys. They don't have anything going on besides work."

"I told my boss that I wanted a raise. The boss, like a jackass, replied, ""How much of a raise do you need to get the job done?"" ""About five gallons of gasoline,"" I replied."

"Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant? A: A mad scientist."

"My girlfriend Likes to dress up like her self and act like a bitch."

"What happens when a blonde wins a gold medal at the Olympics? She has it bronzed."