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Joke of the Day

"My boss is basically Ursula from The Little Mermaid. Deceitful, selfish, conniving, wears too much make up, is an octopus."

"Asked my parents if I was adopted... They laughed and said ""Of course not, why would we have chosen you?"""

"So I was walking home from work.... And I saw this black guy carrying a tv and I thought it was mine but then I ran home and mine was still there shining my shoes."

"What do sea monsters like to eat? Fish and ships"

"What is the worst part about being socially anxious and trying to tell a joke to a group of people? You'll probably punch up the fuck line."

"What's the difference between a psychiatrist and his patients at the mental hospital? The patients are the ones that get better and get to go home."

"What do you call someone who talks on their phone during dinner? Cellfcentered"

"What do you call a black guy flying a plane? You call him a pilot you fucking racist."

"Does the Easter Bunny like baseball? Oh yes. He's a rabbit fan!"

"there should be 1 line at every store for people who have their shit together"