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Joke of the Day

"We're having a traditional Thanksgiving this year. We're going to invite the neighbors to dinner, murder them, and take their land."

"Why Was The Canvas Maker Late Home From Work? He had to close a sail"

"I have a hard time believing an auto dealer really wants my business if their entire lot isn't covered in the shade of helium balloons."

"It's like sex while camping.. it's fucking intense"

"What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full."

"I had a window smash and impale me in the buttocks today... It was a pane in the ass."

"Good Cop: *reaches for his gun* Intimate Moment Cop: *reaches for the same gun and their hands touch*"

"I have a phobia of German sausage Yes, I fear the wurst."

"Did you hear about the Native American chief who drank 50 gallons of Earl Grey? He was found dead in the morning, drowned in his tee-pee."

"If there was a way to read a woman's mind...I'm still not sure I'd want too...I hate shoes, shopping, gossip & I already know I'm annoying."