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Joke of the Day

"Unemployed goal day 37: slide across random car hoods action movie style. And then run like someone is chasing me."

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW? YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!!"

"I hate corporate lingo. Stuff like ""core competency"" or ""design out the problem"" or ""I'm gonna need you to go ahead and do some work today"""

"What spell does a Hogwarts student use when they pregnant? fetus deletus!"

"The only reason your girlfriend likes to suck your cock..... .....is because her parents told her to enjoy the little things in life."

"Judge threw out a lawsuit against Starbucks said the Plaintiff had no grounds."

"What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson? A gap in coverage."

"Why did Waldo go to therapy? ..to find himself."

"How do you make a goldfish old? Take away the G."

"Where did Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies."