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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Jewish Pokemon player? Ash."

"Which one is closer, Sun or Africa? Teacher: Which one is closer, Sun or Africa? Johnny: Sun Teacher: Why? Johnny: We can see the sun all the time, but can't see Africa."

"I relate to #PizzaRat because if I found a slice of pizza as big as a car you can bet I'd try my best to take that thing home."

"[first date] Him: You're amazing! I'm having a great time! Me: I will fight you for the rest of this pizza."

"Me: ""OMG, my abs are so sore!"" 12: (sarcastically) ""What abs?"" Me: ""The abs hiding under this protective layer of you're grounded."""

"My friend called me a grown ass man the other day... ... unfortunately I had to correct him, I'm more of a boob guy."

"I hate it when a bar of soap gets visibly dirty. I want to clean it, but down that road lies madness."

"So I walked into a pub with some of the lads... Oh wait hang on I don't have a social life."

"Damn girl, are you the sun? Because looking directly at you hurts my eyes."

"What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today? Scratching at the inside of his coffin."